Daily Funny Jokes

Just For lough,,,

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Daily Jokes - A Man and A Beggar

 A Man and A Beggar

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him.
But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man
became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him
alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money,
but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will
certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the
beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea".
He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to
the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told
the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really
good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race
course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will
place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying,
"Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad
habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his
home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of
receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts
and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad
habits looks like

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Daily Jokes - Crap Table

Crap Table - As real as it gets...

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,

"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.

Finally, one of them asked,"What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

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Daily Jokes - Enterprising Farmer

Enterprising Farmer

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said,

"You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW

SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said,

"You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW:

CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff,

"Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."

He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain. The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.

Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.

"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy."

He hung up the phone. The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself,

"I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY

GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS

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